I must admit this is my kind of mathematics. This stuff would make mean buck toothed Mrs. Watson spin in her grave! She was a math teacher without any sense of humor and was, in fact, very sadistic. Her teaching methods: fear, intimidation, and pain. She enjoyed physical punishment as long as she was the one administering it with that heavy wood paddle on all those little bottoms! So, here's to my mean sixth grade math teacher Bertha Watson...Spin, Bertha, spin!

This is pretty heavy scientific stuff......converting units:

 1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

 5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

 6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

 7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

 8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

 9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurts

 10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

 11 Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

 12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

 13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

 14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

 15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

 16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

 17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

 18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

 19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

 20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

 21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

 22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

 23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

 24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

 25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

 26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

Daughter Val's (aka "murisopsis") Saturday blog "Looking at the Man in the Moon" reminded me of the turn of the century song I used to sing (the chorus) to her and her sisters. It also was about the man in the moon.  I had learned to play it on the ukulele when I was in college. I'd been in an auto accident and had to stay in bed with nothing to do for most of the week afterward....this was in the days before most homes had TV, and I didn't even have a radio in my bedroom! Anyway, as part of the music class I was taking for elementary education majors, all of us were required to purchase and learn  to play that nice little Hawaiian instrument.  Upon returning to class, I had sore fingers on my left hand, but found I was way ahead of all the other students since I'd been practicing almost nonstop for 8 hours every day while bedridden. The song I enjoyed singing and playing most had these lyrics:

My Sweetheart's the Man in the Moon

Everybody has a sweetheart, underneath the rose.

"Everybody loves a body", so the old song goes.

I've a sweetheart.  You all know him just as well as me.

Every evening I can see him shortly after tea.

     My sweetheart's the man in the moon

     I'm going to marry him soon

     'Twould fill me with bliss just to give him one kiss

     But I know that a dozen I never would miss

     I'll go up in a great big balloon

     And see my sweetheart in the moon

     Then behind some dark cloud, where no one is allowed,

     I'll make love to the man in the moon.

I have often wondered where he spends his time all day.

P'raps he has another sweetheart many miles away.

Maybe some sweet dark-haired maiden daily he does woo.

But as long as I don't catch him, I'll believe him true.

Last night while the stars brightly shone.

He told me thru love's telephone

That when we were wed, he'd go early to bed

And never stay out with the boys (so he said)

We are going to marry, but soon.

The wedding takes place in the moon.

A sweet little Phoebus we'll fondle between us

When I wed my old man in the moon.

I found that this song was published in 1892. It was very popular as was going up in balloons back then. What the heck is "a sweet little Phoebus" ? Maybe the words weren't the most appropriate for little kids, but it did teach us quite a few chords. Years later I bought myself a baritone ukulele that I enjoyed playing for many years. I kind of miss it.

I had a great time with cousins in Surprise, AZ (near Phoenix) and seeing middle daughter go through the graduation ceremony in which she got "hooded"  for her Doctor of Audiology degree. I came back home with pedicured feet (wore sandles while there so needed that) and manicured nails and the really big splurge: an authentic Western style hat with a lovely band made of feathers and leather.

I wore the hat to my 1950 H.S. Class quarterly luncheon the day after returning home....have to get my money's worth out of it! Some old geezer (that's a bit verbose) asked, "Where are your boots?" And upon leaving another one (evidently from my graduating class) patted me on the shoulder and stated he was going to bring me his wife's hat at the next luncheon ... one that he hadn't been able to give to anyone in his family. Seems he and wife were "snowbirds" spending winter months in Arizona and Florida. She died. Her hat was really an expensive one with a lovely band, etc. etc., and he wants to find a home for it and decided I'd be one to appreciate it. My classmate Barbara thinks he was, in her words, "making a move" on me. I don't need that! It will be interesting to see if he really does bring that hat for me at the next class luncheon in September.

Yesterday a friend sent me the link to the audio of the Dowmel Lecture March 1st by Bill Moyers. It was one of the best I've ever heard and I recommend it highly to anyone who loves our country, is concerned about what is happening and wonders why and how. Moyers knows our history, is a very keen observer and wonderfully articulate. I may listen to it again and take even more notes besides these:

1.  "....... a conflict between property (wealth) & humanity (democracy) ......we fought a civil war because of it."

2.  Quoting Albert Schweitzer: "Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight."

3.  And this: "We have the greatest inequality [income and wealth] of any country in the world except Singapore...."

If you have the time or can multi-task, it is well worth listening to it. Here is the link:

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she was finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with his soon-to-be new wife, and at first they were blissfully happy. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a  buyer for such a stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.  He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only a tenth  of what the house was worth, but only if she would sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed  paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

 DON'T YOU JUST LOVE A HAPPY ENDING? 

I am enjoying the Ice Dance Olympic competition so very much....such beauty, grace, energy and excitement! They are all gorgeous people, and every couple skated their best. I'm glad North Americans won the gold and silver medals. That Canadian couple was the best looking of all those who competed in my opinion.

I remember wanting....really longing....for a pair of ice skates for Christmas in 1940 when I was 8 years old and living on the Fox River in DePere, Wisconsin. I was a fan of Norwegian three time Olympic gold medal winning skater Sonja Henie; although as a child I only knew she was an actress who skated very prettily in the movies. She had very deep dimples and nice legs. Later, as an adult, I read that she was very sexually promiscuous and aggressive toward the males with whom she worked and shared the spotlight. But I digress....as usual.  

The Nicolet Paper Mill, back of our apartment building, was constructed down in the Fox River itself near the dam and the  bridge which could open up to let the large barges filled with logs proceed to the mill. I had a great fear that it would someday open up while I was on it walking across the bridge to the grocery in East DePere....sorry, I got off the subject again! Anyway, the Nicolet Paper Mill workers would walk across the wood bridge connecting the alley back of us to the factory entrance. There was no parking lot and I never saw any cars. It was a small town. I suppose everyone walked to work at the mill and the company managers, the only ones probably rich enough to own cars, parked on the street in front of Mr. Van Gemert's Monument business and apartment building. Because of the mill's location, the part of the river back of us was fairly shallow and stayed frozen most of the winter, and kids skated there without any adult supervision. However, shortly before Christmas a child fell through a break in the ice. Luckily he was pulled out, but that nixed any chance I had for getting the ice skates I wanted so badly. Instead I received a very long sled built for two.

That darn kid's falling through the ice was the end of my ice skating career even before it began! 

Spring is only a couple months away...hopefully....and many can hardly wait to get back on the golf course. This little story should serve as a warning to those who use those motorized golf carts instead of walking the courses lugging their clubs. Accidents can happen so quickly. So, like that NYPD television program captain used to say each day to his policeman at the beginning of their work day, "Be careful out there!" There's danger on the golf course as well as on the street.

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express their praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a 'Praise.' Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible golf cart wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was so very excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could even help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced..

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed  remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is 'sternum'."

The Lutherans and Catholics get along together quite well in my family. My three girls were all raised Lutheran, but now we are very ecumenical....one Lutheran, one Catholic and one Methodist. My Irish grandfather was raised Catholic but ate meat on Fridays. I have a 1st cousin who was once a Sister of the Holy Cross and her husband  had been a priest for ten years....but don't go thinking anything funny went on for they didn't meet one another until they'd both gone on to other vocational pursuits. I have a niece (oldest daughter of my husband's twin sister) who is a Unitarian Universalist and her older sister converted back to her grandfather's Jewish faith, went to Israel, married a cantor and has a very large family....and the youngest niece is a born again Christian fundamentalist. Two of my mother's uncles were ordained ministers....one Methodist the other Baptist. We truly are a diverse family when it comes to religious views. Anyway, one of my progressive liberal Catholic friends gave me this interesting tale of a lone Lutheran living among Catholics.....and how he managed to live peacefully with them.

Lars--a Norwegian from northern Minnesota--was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised a Lutheran.

Each Friday night after work, he loved to fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. He was a wonderfully creative and master grill cook. Now, all of Lars's neighbors happened to be Catholic.....and since it was Lent, eating meat on Fridays was forbidden. The delicious aroma from Lars' grilled venison steaks was making his neighbors' mouths water and causing such temptation problems for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Lars, and suggested that he consider converting to Catholicism....it would be the the neighborly thing to do. To make a long story short, after several classes and much study, Lars did decide to convert and with his Catholic neighbors and friends attended the Mass to celebrate it. As the priest sprinkled holy water over Lars, he said,  "You were born a Lutheran and raised a Lutheran, but now you are Catholic."

Lars's neighbors were greatly relieved, until the next Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison once again filled the neighborhood making their mouths water.

So the priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Lars's yard, clutching a rosary and preparing to scold Lars, he stopped in amazement and watched......

There stood Lars, clutching a small bottle of (holy?) water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat while chanting: "You were born a deer, and raised a deer, but now you are a walleye."

Celebrate your creative self!

My cousin Ernestine, after retiring from teaching highschool English, worked for awhile in a nursing home. Both her parents were residents of this home which was located on a rather busy road...one of the main drags in the Illinois town where she lived back then. Working at the desk, she was able to check on her parents off and on during the day which was very reassuring to them.

Sometimes, the residents would try to slip away. Sometimes they succeeded and would go outside unattended. She told of one evening when a half dozen or more of their elderly charges managed (perhaps a planned get away) to go outside without anyone knowing....that is until the incessantly loud honking of automobile horns caused the nursing home employees to look outside. What to their wondering eyes did appear but their home's residents mooning the Alpine Road's passing motorists and showing their rears and happily dancing around! Getting them back inside was more difficult than "herding cats" a phrase that is overused but can't think of a better one to describe the difficulty the nursing home staff faced!

I think the escapees' message was, "Don't take life too seriously...sing....dance....have some fun!"

Hard to believe, but it is snowing again! Soft white flakes...about an inch so far has accumulated on top of the mounds already there from last week. The upper left corner of the tv screen is displaying a little box with the snowflake logo and "Storm Warning" stream identifying the affected counties. So far we're still outside the box. It is starting to get to me but guess we should see the funnier side of this weird, really weird, weather. 

The extremes in weather have been linked to "global climate change." However, some of the skeptics point to the recent blizzards in the eastern coastal states and the unusual snowstorms in southern states as proofs that "global warming" is just a myth. Some in D.C. who deny any claims that human behaviour has  contributed to the changes we're seeing, illustrated their disdane for Al Gore and his ilk by building a snow igloo with signs making fun of the former vice-president. Is it just wishful thinking on their part, or is it that they really don't get it?

People may be divided about the cause of the changing climate .... mostly along political lines .... but all can agree that we are getting tired of this snow!  Even the Hoosier snowman pictured here below is so fed up with this weather that he has decided to end it all!

I'm not as depressed as the suicidal snowman and have decided to think instead about my flower garden and what I should start planting indoors in the peat cups to make sure there is some color after those 130 narcissus bulbs are through blooming....at least I hope they'll all come up! I have quite a few packages of my favorite annual, the nasturtium....all colors....and edible but hopefully not a favorite food of the rabbits and squirrels.

I am also going to focus on tonight's AAUW* program by baking some brownies for refreshments and calling other program committee members to bring needed items. I will also pray that the weather won't be a problem!

*AAUW is American Association of University Women and the program is an update on the "National Girls Collaborative Project" and STEM. This is a program designed to encourage girls to be involved in science, technology, engineering and math. The collaboration is with the local university's science department and the National Girl Scouts of America. The hands-on experiences have been very popular. Girls CAN excel in these fields if given the opportunities to develop interests and skills....that's what we're trying to do. So okay now I am totally off the subject but it beats weather related depression!!! 

Sometimes I wonder what happened to some of my childhood friends. In looking at old pictures, I came across this one taken back in the summer of 1940 when we lived above Mr. Van Gemert's monument company in West DePere, WI. There were four apartments above the gravestone business. During the day Mr. Van Gemert and his handsome sons were busy carving and grinding granite stone markers which they displayed in the adjacent landscaped yard which ended at the banks of the Fox River.

John Easter, his mother and his Boston Terrier "Dixie" lived in the large front apartment. It was nice and had thick carpeting on the floors. I don't remember ever seeing Johnny's father. Mom said he was a travelling salesman. He must have done well, for Mrs. Easter was always dressed in expensive looking clothes. I remember she had a pair of shoes with clear heels and a fox fur piece....the kind with the animal's head still on it....ugh....which I thought was pretty gross. The second apartment was smaller and occupied by Mr. and Mrs. Hansen and  their cute 18 month old son Bobby.  We lived in the smaller of the two back apartments. I didn't realize then how poor we were. I knew that Johnny lived in a much bigger apartment with nice upholstered furniture (ours was wicker) and had his own room.  However, I didn't think about the difference in how much money our families had.  As long as kids are happy, those things don't seem to matter...at least it didn't 70 years ago. 

Johnny Easter played "Superman" to my "Lois Lane" and once rescued me when I got locked in their bathroom. He climbed up the ladder and through the window to unlock the door. I've never been very good at opening things like jars, cereal boxes and, in this case, a locked door.  Although Johnny was a couple of years older, he was small for his age. We enjoyed a lot of the same things like playing "mad scientists" and making pioneer villages out of my Lincoln Logs....and just pretending. I do wonder what happened to him. He'd be 80 years old by now. Here we are in front of one of Mr. VanGimmert's stone markers with "Dixie." My  mother had a little Kodak box camera and Dad developed his own photos. Mom colored this one herself with colored pencils. By the way, the Van Gemert family is still making granite markers in Wisconsin.