You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
We have enough “youth”. How about a fountain of “smart”?
A fool and his money can throw a heck of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Don’t Drink and Drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don’t succeed skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
“You know why a banana is like a politician?” “He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow and then he’s rotten.”
“I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.”
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would ‘hate’ to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.

















St. Patrick’s is beautiful but a little dark inside. I’d love to attend a service there.






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